Parenting Approaches

Montessori, attachment, gentle, conscious — every named approach makes a claim about what children need and why. These articles look at where each one came from, what it asks of a parent in practice, and what the evidence behind it does and does not support.

5 articles

A woman with curly hair wearing a green sweater sits on a teal couch, listening attentively and gesturing with her hands while a young boy in a striped shirt reads to her from a white book. The background features a bookshelf and framed botanical art.
Shefali Tsabary research

To Bond With Your Kid, Tsabary Says to Stop Trying to Control Them

"It's only 10 percent what the child is doing and 90 percent what the parent is doing."

An illustrative digital drawing, executed in the soft, textured vector art style and warm, muted color palette (peach, teal, brown) of image_5.png, depicting a mother connecting with her absorbed child before an instruction. A Caucasian mother, with wavy brown hair and a peach knit sweater, is crouched down on a light wooden floor, making gentle eye contact with her four-year-old son. The son, who has tousled brown curly hair like the boy in image_5.png and wears a light green striped t-shirt, is seated cross-legged on a rug, deeply engrossed in lining up a set of stylized, colorful wooden dinosaur toys. The mother is smiling warmly and her hands are resting gently near his on the rug, inviting his attention before a transition. The background is a simplified, cozy living room corner with a few children's books on a shelf and a toy basket, maintaining the uncluttered feel of image_5.png. A pair of small children's shoes is visible by a doorway in the distance, hinting at the upcoming routine. No text is present.
collect before you direct

Collect Before You Direct: Gordon Neufeld's Simple Way to Help Kids Listen

Before the instruction, there is the connection. Gordon Neufeld's "collect before you direct" is a ten-second habit of eyes, a smile, and warmth that helps kids turn toward you and listen.

An illustrated interior scene of a cozy living room in a warm, muted color palette. A father with curly dark hair and a beard sits cross-legged on a patterned rug, looking lovingly and smiling at his young son. The son is sitting nearby on the floor, holding and putting on his shoes, looking up at his father with a happy expression. The background features a sofa table with a framed family photo, a potted plant, a bookshelf filled with books, and a window letting in soft light. The style is a flat vector illustration
Shefali Tsabary research

The Power Struggle Was Never Really About the Shoes

"It's only 10 percent what the child is doing and 90 percent what the parent is doing."

An illustrative vector scene inside a cozy living room shows a Black mother sitting on a teal sofa, looking distressed. A young boy with an angry expression in a light blue sweater stands on the sofa, leaning forward aggressively with his hand extended, apparently having just thrown a wooden block that is shown mid-air near the mother's chest. A younger girl in a yellow sweater is partially hidden behind the mother, looking upset and tearful. On the left, there's a wooden bookshelf with books and potted plants. The wall behind them is cream-colored with three framed botanical prints. Scattered wooden blocks are on the floor. The overall style is flat, warm, and domestic, with visible textures.
good inside

"A Good Kid Having a Hard Time": Dr. Becky Kennedy's Core Idea for Tough Behavior

Your kid threw a block at his sister. Dr. Becky Kennedy says the story you tell yourself next matters more than you think.

An illustrated interior scene of a cozy living room in a warm, muted color palette. A Black mother with dark hair tied in a bun sits on a patterned rug, gently embracing and comforting her young Black son who is holding a small doll. Nearby on the floor are wooden toys, blocks, and an open book. In the background, a large window lets in soft light, a potted plant stands on the left, a framed family portrait hangs on the wall, and a floor lamp stands on the right. The style is a flat vector illustration.
Shefali Tsabary research

Why the Same Punishment Keeps Working Less and Less

The same punishment, working less and less each time, might be a sign the whole approach was aimed at the wrong target.

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