"He's Doing It on Purpose": Why Dr. Becky Kennedy Says to Look for the MGI Instead

Your five-year-old is standing in the kitchen, looking right at you, and slowly pouring his juice onto the floor. The first explanation that jumps into your head writes itself: he's doing this to push my buttons. It feels obvious. It also feels like a declaration of war.

Dr. Becky Kennedy suggests asking one more question before you answer that declaration.

The idea, in one sentence

When your child's behavior upsets you, pause and ask, "What is the most generous interpretation of what just happened?"

Kennedy calls it the MGI, short for Most Generous Interpretation, and it's one of the most practical tools in Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be (Harper Wave, 2022). Kennedy is a clinical psychologist with a PhD from Teachers College, Columbia University, and the book presents her clinical framework rather than a research study.

In her own summary of the book, Kennedy points out that the opposite, the LGI or Least Generous Interpretation, comes to mind much more easily. Her example: when her son hits his sister, her LGI might be that he's cold-hearted. Her MGI might be that sharing toys is genuinely hard for him.

Why the generous version is usually more accurate

The MGI isn't about being nice for the sake of it. In most cases, it's simply closer to the truth.

Young children don't have the language or the brain development to say, "I'm feeling left out since the baby arrived, and I need to know you still notice me." So the need comes out sideways, through behavior. Kennedy's book describes behavior as a window into what's happening inside a child. The juice on the floor isn't the story. It's a clue.

The least generous reading ("he's manipulating me") treats the clue as the whole case. The most generous reading ("he might be desperate for my attention, and this is the fastest way he knows to get it") opens the window. And once you can see through it, you can actually address what's going on.

Why the least generous story shows up first

If the MGI is usually more accurate, why is the LGI always first in line? Part of it is exhaustion. A tired, stretched parent reads everything as a threat, because a tired brain is scanning for problems, not nuance. Part of it is history. Many of us grew up with adults who assumed the worst about our behavior, so that voice comes preloaded.

There's also a sneaky reason: the least generous story often lets us off the hook. If he's just being a brat, then the only job is to make him stop. If he's struggling, now we have to figure out with what, and that takes more effort. The MGI asks a little more of us in the moment. It tends to save a lot more effort over the following week.

Generous does not mean permissive

Kennedy is clear on this, and it matters: using an MGI doesn't make a bad behavior okay. It just helps you see the good kid under the behavior.

So the juice still gets cleaned up. You can still say, "I won't let you pour juice on the floor," and take the cup. What the MGI changes is your tone and your next move. Instead of a lecture about respect, you might say, "Let's clean this up together. I think you really wanted me to look at you. I'm looking now."

The limit stays the same. The relationship survives it.

Find the MGI in three questions

Next time behavior makes your blood pressure spike, run through these three questions. They work in the moment, and they work even better when you reflect on a tough day after bedtime.

1. What's my least generous story? Name it honestly. "She's spoiled." "He's doing it on purpose." Just seeing it written in your head takes away some of its power.

2. What might my child be struggling with? Tired, hungry, jealous, overwhelmed, bored, scared, lacking a skill? Pick the most likely candidate, even if it's a guess.

3. What would I need if I did something like this? Think of a time you snapped at someone you love. What was really going on for you, and what would have helped? Your child probably needs something similar.

Then respond to the kid you found in step two, not the villain from step one.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is MGI in parenting? MGI stands for Most Generous Interpretation, a tool from Dr. Becky Kennedy's book Good Inside. It means looking for the kindest plausible explanation of a child's behavior before responding.

Does the most generous interpretation mean no consequences? No. Kennedy says using an MGI doesn't make bad behavior acceptable. You still set limits, but you respond to the need behind the behavior instead of assuming bad intent.

Why does my child misbehave on purpose? It can look deliberate, but young kids often use behavior to express needs they can't put into words, like attention, connection, or help with a big feeling.

Sources

• Becky Kennedy, Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be (Harper Wave, 2022), Chapters 1 and 7 ("Behavior Is a Window"). Book, clinical framework.
• Becky Kennedy, "Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be," Book Bite, Next Big Idea Club, October 2022 (author's own summary, source of the MGI/LGI example). Link